Episode 57 – Antonia Milkop | Strengths-based Coach (NZ)

In this episode I chat with Antonia Milkop, a fellow Strengths coach, based in NZ.

Listen in your favourite app

Transcript

Murray Guest  00:00

Antonia, welcome to the podcast. I’m so looking forward to chatting with you today. A fellow strength-passionate coach like me. How are you doing in these unique and unprecedented times?

Antonia Milkop  00:03

Murray, we’re doing well. Thanks. Yes, it is very weird. It feels like the last week has been about a year long. There’s a juggle of balancing working and homeschooling and looking after community. And yeah, it’s been a very interesting time. But we’re doing well. Yeah, we’re keeping well and healthy. And yeah, so I’m very happy to be here today. Thanks for inviting me on.

Murray Guest  00:03

Now I’m looking forward to the chat. I’ve got to meet you in the last couple of weeks and your passion for strengths is certainly evident. And so I’m looking forward to exploring a bit about that today. You do live in Wellington, New Zealand, which is one of my favorite cities in the world. It’s such a beautiful part of not just New Zealand, but the whole world. I love it there. It is known as the Windy City. How is it today over there?

Antonia Milkop  00:03

The sun is shining, there’s a breath of breeze. We have blue skies with no aeroplanes flying at the moment. Literally, this is the coolest little capital in the world. I moved here at just over 15 years ago, 16 years ago and I used to pinch myself every day walking into work from my home because it was only a 20 minute walk. It’s and that yes, it gets windy and it’s awful when it’s windy. But the good thing about windy cities is that it blows over quickly. So even in winter when it’s cold and windy and horrid we’ll often get days like we’re getting today, still blue skies and you can feel the heat of the sun it’s, yeah, it’s a cool it’s a cool place to live.

Murray Guest  01:50

Once we get to fly again, everyone, once we get to travel again, I encourage everyone not just to go to Wellington, but go to New Zealand but when you do travel to New Zealand, you got to visit Wellington it is it an amazing little city. It’s got so much to offer. I loved it and I can’t wait to get back there myself as well.

Antonia Milkop  02:09

And we have the best coffee in the world. I’m pretty sure cafes per capita, probably some of the highest in the world. And of course, all these cafes and things are struggling right now because none of them can be open. We’ve got arts and culture and very cool things going on in Wellington.

Murray Guest  02:29

I am a coffee fan. I love my coffee. I love good quality coffee. And I tell you, I did not have a bad coffee in Wellington. That was for sure.

Antonia Milkop  02:38

You can’t get a bad coffee in Wellington, they wouldn’t survive.

Murray Guest  02:44

Well, here’s a quick side note that it’s a bit like the the debate about the Pavlova, in was the Pavlova invented in New Zealand or Australia. But also I’ve heard there’s a debate about whether the flat white which is the iconic cafe. 

Antonia Milkop  03:00

Totally Kiwi. 

Murray Guest  03:01

Well, that’s the debate isn’t it? Is it from New Zealand or Australia, there’s a vote for New Zealand right there. 

Antonia Milkop  03:05

Do you say a trim flat white or do you say skinny, flat white? 

Murray Guest  03:09

Well, I don’t. I think if you’re gonna have a flat white, you need to have full cream milk or milk substitute. I have almond milk. So because it doesn’t stretch and the flat white is about the microfoam. This is a little coffee. So you can’t get the proper texture with this with a light or a trim milk. Let’s be honest. Oh. Now, for those that didn’t expect our coffee tips this morning. There you go.

Antonia Milkop  03:38

I have an espresso machine at home having, you know, staying safe saving lives on a special machine. I’m very thrilled to hear that espresso apparently is an essential service. So we can still get our coffee.

Murray Guest  03:54

Well, I’m really starting to realize how much money I’m saving by making my coffee at home because yeah, when I started to do the math, so I’m certainly spending a fair bit of coffee every year. Now 15 years ago, you moved to Wellington, but there’s a hint of another accent underneath that. That bit of Kiwi sort of tone there. Tell me how did you end up in Wellington? Where did you grow up? Tell me a bit about your life story. 

Antonia Milkop  04:19

Well, I’m from originally from the UK. And I thought I had a very British accent but obviously not.

Murray Guest  04:26

You’ve got a beautiful mix, let’s be honest. Yes.

Antonia Milkop  04:30

I lived in the UK all my childhood and my my early 20s. And I was I went to uni in the northeast of England and studied maths and psychology. So I’ve always been fascinated by human behavior. And I’m a bit of a data nerd. I love data and anything to do with humans, which is probably why I’m into strengths. And then I lived in London for a bit and I had photos on my wall of New Zealand. I always had a dream to come out here. So in 2004, I had a great job in the UK, but I didn’t own anything. I think the biggest thing I owned was my ghetto blaster cassette tapes in those days. And I was like sod it, why don’t I just go move to New Zealand for a bit and I got myself a job here. And they flew me over and it was supposed to be for two years. And six months into living in New Zealand, I started applying for residency and back in 2004, 2005, they were absolutely desperate for skilled migrants who are under 30. So they, you know, they let me in pretty easy. And then I met my now husband, who’s, he’s from Wellington. And about four years in to living here. And yeah, actually, that’s quite a funny story. So I was flatting with his best friend. And so I met my husband week one of living in Wellington. We didn’t ever really meet until four years in, we didn’t, yeah, so it was it. That was a lovely. Yeah, so yeah, here I am. And we’ve got two beautiful children with very strong Kiwi accents, a six and an eight year old. And they keep us busy. And we have a lovely, lovely lifestyle with you know, both work in the city. We live about half an hour walk from from Wellington, in a fabulous suburb and can’t see the sea unless you climb up to the top of our tree house. You can just see a little bit of the ocean. So we’ve got, always have sea views where we live. And 15 years on. Here we are. And I don’t want to live anywhere else. Yeah, I just love it here.

Murray Guest  06:40

That is so beautiful. I want to ask, did you explore living in other parts of New Zealand, or was it to Wellington and that’s where you’ve stayed?

Antonia Milkop  06:48

Well, it’s funny. I got a job offer when when I was applying when I was in London, in Christchurch. And I spoke to a few Kiwis that I knew in London. And they said they will recommend Wellington if you’re going to be moving by yourself, because you’ll meet people more easily because it’s a very transient city. And so I thought, okay, I’ll say yes to the job offer in Wellington. So I have, there was one thing that came up in Auckland, you know, about 10 years ago, and I didn’t go for it. And now this is the place that I’ve lived the longest all my life here. So yeah, that the South Island side and Wellington’s in the very bottom of the North Island. And north island is where most of the population are, South islands got all the mountains and the Southern Alps and the amazing ski fields. And yeah, I thought I would travel more. But then since having kids we don’t, I used to travel all the time. Probably every weekend, I’d be going off, you know skiing, or tramping or mountain biking and all the exciting adventurous stuff you can do in New Zealand and I love it because it’s pretty normal. And I loved having work colleagues who after work, you know, they were like, oh, we’re off for a mountain bike ride, gonna come? And you know, I’d never get that in London, it would be like a once a year trip to go mountain biking. Now it is kind of like a daily activity.

Murray Guest  08:10

There are very good mountain bike trails in Wellington over the hill. I’ve ridden those once.

Antonia Milkop  08:15

Yeah, macro mountain bike park. It’s loads of volunteers have been digging it up. And it’s amazing. We’re trying to get our kids more into mountain biking so we can do some of those tracks.

Murray Guest  08:23

Yeah, it’s got a beautiful ride up to the top. And you’ve got this, this view back down to Wellington. And then there’s some some beautiful flowing trails back down, which yeah, I loved it. It was a really nice ride. I want to ask about your psychology background, and your thoughts about our current challenges right now with isolation and COVID-19 impacting everyone’s lives. What’s the perspective you have on how people are responding right now?

Antonia Milkop  09:12

That’s a really good question. I think this is almost like there’s three mindsets that I’ve noticed going on with the people I interact with. One is a complete sense of overwhelm, and processing and trying to get their heads around it. So kind of a rabbit in headlights kind of mindset. Another one is an adrenalin working around the clock, really focused, really performing, really productive in the sense that they’re just literally helping different bits of the country survive. And then the other mindset is one that’s really thinking ahead. And I haven’t met many mindsets like that, but really thinking ahead to our future, how the world’s going to be looking different. So with like the economy 2.0 we’re not going to go back to how we were but how will we pivot for the future? And I’ve also been really attuned seeing different people’s strengths playing out. And having conversations with people that I coach around, you know, the, the amazing parts of our strengths and also the dark side, I can talk about the dark side of my strengths that come out. I lead with a lot of maximizers, I’m always challenging the status quo. Try to see improvements for things and I get there’s a lot of frustrations that I’m feeling that we we haven’t preempted some of the stuff that we’re already in. But then I’ve also got developer, which is actually really encouraging and nurturing. And, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I, I’m kind of talent spotting a lot in this time. So I’m looking at leaders on the TV, you know, comparing UK and Australia and New Zealand and, and seeing how you can see how some of the different you can just kind of talent spot and strengths for what’s going on?

Murray Guest  11:23

Yeah, and I think, I think for anybody that is passionate about strengths, and on their strengths journey about how do I claim and apply my strengths? I think that talent spotting is a powerful way to help you understand the 34 themes, and how they showing up the light and the dark, the helpful and the hindering of different people. And you’re right, there’s this real spectrum that’s on display right now. And when we look at that, it’s, it’s really interesting. I know myself, I’ve felt at different times the benefit of my strengths, because as we know, it’s just the way we we see the world, our dominant talents and strengths. And then other parts I can say they’re getting in my way, I can see my responsibility. Number five, for you, what is it number eight? Yes, yeah. So for me, I’ve got to make sure I balance that out. Because it can it can trip me up a little.

Antonia Milkop  12:19

And work out what is it that you actually have control over? Yeah. I was gonna say something really profound, what was it? That’s right. I’ve got a free, I started up a Google Doc, Google Sheet resource that’s publicly available. Just around the 34 talent themes. And how strengths play in a crisis. So happy for you to share that out.

Murray Guest  12:45

Well, Andrew Sloan who’s another wonderful strengths coach based in Sydney, him and I were talking about that exact document yesterday. Yeah. And having a look at it. So I think it is a beautiful, again, it shows the abundance mindset of the strengths community, we just share information. So I’ll put a link in the show notes if that’s okay, because it is a great document you’re putting together and a collaborative document where people can add in their perspectives as well.

Antonia Milkop  13:12

Yeah, I had to tame my Maximizer, just shove it out there, Antonia, it’s fine, you know, because it’s really not complete. But I thought that because of the strengths community, we’ve got people can engage and collaborate, and use it how they add to it.

Murray Guest  13:30

So those three different mindsets.

Antonia Milkop  13:32

Can I ask a question? When you’re talking with, because we’re having to zoom a lot at the moment. How do you gauge on phone or video, where people’s mindset is at when you cannot read their body as well. So that the mindset between, because people can put on a lipstick and look okay, and it’s that whole like, how are you question? And people can say fine, but how do you? Yeah, I’ve been started doing polls and things on zoom, you know, like, Where’s your battery level?

Murray Guest  14:01

Yeah.

Antonia Milkop  14:02

And have you got any good tips?

Murray Guest  14:03

I think it’s a really good question. And I Well, I think one of the things that I’m mindful of, again, relator number one, for me, I see the world through those relationships that I, I want to build and I consciously build those, or even subconsciously, because it’s just how I show up. And so when I’m in zoom sessions, I think about how I can use that to really understand where somebody is at. And I think about it’s actually within our keenness to want to understand people and where they’re at and how they’re feeling. But we also need to slow down a little bit and maybe ask some more open questions and taking that time. Whereas I think, as you’re saying, like in a face to face meeting, I can, or sorry, someone could sum someone up or understand and engage how they’re feeling quite quickly through the body language or even the energy and the eye contact, a whole range of things. But in zoom, it’s it’s much harder. So my thought is we just need to slow down a little bit and ask some questions and just explore those a bit more deeply with people than just pushing through. And to ask those questions that we need to build a foundation of trust. And quite often I might be, I won’t explain, and I want to talk about the reasons why I want to have these conversations and what I’m trying to achieve. I have also for my sessions that I’m working with a few clients online at the moment via zoom, it’s about the pre communication. So when we do have the zoom session, I want to talk about how we’re feeling where we’re at what’s coming up for you and I want to explore that. So I’m already planning that seed, so I want you to think about that.

Antonia Milkop  15:43

Yeah.

Murray Guest  15:45

The other thing that a fellow strengths coach, again, talking about the abundance of sharing, we’re talking about just those somatic exercises and getting people to stand up and Yep, yes, we’re zoom, and we’re sitting down, but actually, let’s get people to move and stand up and even how they may react to that will show where they’re at as well, I think. But using other tools like polling which are easier for someone to say how I’m feeling, like you said, is a good one. The other one is, I’ve also using another tool called mural, which is an online tool for basically for connecting and brainstorming. It’s like a online flip chart or whiteboard. And what I’m using that for, for lots of little reasons in the facilitation, but certainly one of them is get people to bring in images to represent how they’re feeling right now. And you can easily put that as an image or a symbol, and then that’s just another way to communicate, and we can then discuss that.

Antonia Milkop  16:54

Another very generous strength coach out there, Karen Lehman from Christchurch. She’s literally just shared, she’s posted on Miro, all the photocards for Gallop strengths. photocards. And how to scan them also, now that they’re on a tech platform. So yeah, just talking about the collaboration of all our strengths coaches is pretty awesome right now. Because it’s like, how do we do things when we’re not in the room with the people? You know, how do you make a two hour workshop engaging? And so people aren’t getting goggle eyed on their computer? Yeah, how do you how do you chunk things up? How do you break them? How do you interact with the audience? And yeah, I did a zoom workshop on strength based parenting. Last week, or was it week before, that must be last week? I can’t tell time. And yeah, I think I pretty much after it’s like, oh, well that could’ve gone better. And so I’m learning very quickly. Everyone was very generous with their feedback and stuff. But I kind of thought, Gosh, yeah, this was an evening. People got kids at home. How can we capture content in much shorter time periods in a way that’s engaging and illuminating for the people involved? And they feel like they can, they’ve got their attention captured.

Murray Guest  18:11

Yeah. Well, I think that’s the other element that everyone should be considering whether you’re an employee, and you’re having zoom sessions with other people, whether you’re working from home, and you’re a sole trader, whatever your situation is, but be realistic in what you can do right now. Yes, we want to be productive. But let’s also be realistic.

Antonia Milkop  18:32

I had a very realistic, I had a meeting the other day with someone who was, you know, I was trying to be professional with, never met them before. I had my six year old come up, and there was a lot of live, living my whole give it what is it, bringing my whole self to work. And it was one I was like, Yo, this is me, authentic me. And I think it’s actually there’s a huge opportunity at the moment where people are actually getting to see the real, real them in the way of engaging and interacting and there’s something quite comforting about that. We’re all having to drop any masks that we’ve had before that we can turn up into an office and be the kind of professional Antonia but you know, now that people just get the real me. So you know, you might suddenly in this podcast, I’m not sure, kids are pretty quiet. I think my husband’s managing really well. Yeah, they might suddenly appear, and that’s okay. And we just kind of roll with it. And, and, you know, send them on their way.

Murray Guest  19:29

Well, I think so many people have this chance, as you said, to drop some of the masks and to just be real and be open and be vulnerable. I love the work of Patrick lencioni and Brene Brown that talk about the power of vulnerability and when we are vulnerable, it creates trust and builds connections and builds relationships. And yes, you want to show up in a way that is professional and to do your work but also yes let’s be real as well around opening up a little bit, as you said, drop that mask, drop maybe some of those things that we’re sort of putting up in front of us sometimes. So good opportunity. This is this sort of big test, or this big opportunity we have right now, I think as a whole population. 

Antonia Milkop  20:18

Yep. I’m gonna be new ways of doing things for sure. 

Murray Guest  20:21

Yeah. So I have a question. So why strengths for you? How did you get into this whole strengths journey and this focus on strengths? How did that happen? For you? 

Antonia Milkop  20:31

Good question. I was, I was in a management role. Which I really, I loved managing a team of people, I had a really awesome manager above me, she was fully supportive and everything. And I thought, well, the main part of management is coaching others helping them and, and I thought of coaching as something is, you know, asking the best questions to get the best out of people. And I’ve done all those one day type management courses around different models and code and they’re all, it all felt like, you know, yep, I know all this stuff. I’ve been doing that kind of stuff for years. My manager was so supportive. She sent me on the Gallup accelerated strengths coaching course in Sydney. Yeah, wonderful whole week in Sydney, with a weekend added on as well. We had a view. So it was in the Gallup offices in Sydney. And that week, basically changed my life. That was in 2018. Yep. I had Serif and Weitzman who were the facilitators for the course, for people who know them. Yeah. And a bunch of the most amazing individuals in the room. And you know, when something you you experience, or you go through something in life, and you feel like a little compass, a ball bearing shifted, yeah, that’s what that I came away from that week do something in my life is going to be different from this. And I have no idea what that is. And 2008 sort of trickled down and there’s a management role kept getting, it was an acting role. And it kept getting extended. And I was like, I can’t get 60 hour a week job, I’ve got young children at home. And I just suddenly thought, I don’t want to be in management. I’m living in New Zealand for lifestyle, I love hanging out my kids and having dinner and breakfast with them. And if I’m in this role, I can’t give it what I want to give it. So how about I just go for coaching. And so I set up my own practice, Antonia Milkop. And from then on, and literally in the last two years, I’ve just because I love it so much, it’s like I’m just attracting more and more coaching. And I’ve only have a part time gig with with government at the moment. And I love that job. And I have my I do part time with that and part time with my coaching practice. And I just want to, I just want to up my coaching practice in time, and I’m thinking, Well, how do I do that now then everything was predicting upwards in an upward motion. And now all of a sudden, the economy’s going belly up. And I’m the one with a part time public sector job, which seems quite a beautiful, nice, safe, secure thing for a family to have right now. Yeah. So yeah, that’s, that’s where I’m at. And I’m so happy I’ve chosen this route, because it’s just, I had a coach and amazing coach called Chris Miller, who’s here in New Zealand. And he coaches lots of small businesses and things and New Zealanders as well as around the world. And he was he asked me this question last year, he said, Where can you make more impact Antonia? Is it managing a program of work to do in a topical area that you want to make an impact? Or would you have more impact if you coached say, five to 10 of those people, managing those programs that you’re passionate about? And you want to see a difference in? And the answer to me was so evidently, the latter, yes, yes. So coaching people, and helping them thrive. And the bits that I loved when I was managing people was basically tuning into individuals, finding out what makes them tick, what their beliefs and passions are, and helping them hold hands with those and, and helping them flourish and thrive. And I love working with teams like just being clumped in, to kind of inject my energy and enthusiasm into a kind of team or group setting. And helping those individuals discover their own self awareness of their unique abilities as well as them recognizing each other. And I love it when teams can have common language around strengths together and just seen so many results of where it’s ended up with more effectiveness, really highly engaged employees. Productivity goes soaring up. It’s like a no brainer that, you know, if people looked at the data and the evidence, which is what I, I’m very data geeky. It’s like, there’s so much evidence to look at. And I kind of, there’s a there’s a huge conviction I have around teams need to be and should be using strengths, especially in times like these. Yeah.

Murray Guest  25:13

Yeah. And just I want to go back to it for people’s understanding, too, that just when Chris Miller, your coach asked that question about what, where you could have the most impact. What I love that strengths brings is you could have easily also said the format as the option there and equally applied your strengths successfully in that area. And I love what he was doing is where can you, you know, tap into your passion and your strengths to be your best, it wasn’t, you had to follow one path to be applying your strengths, because we can apply our strengths in so many different areas of our lives, to to be at our best and and take different career paths. And so I think that’s important. I think sometimes people hear about strengths and all of that being a coach, now it can be a manager, it could be a parent, it could be a very valuable part of a team. It’s not about just being a coach, that’s for sure.

Antonia Milkop  26:08

Absolutely not. No. And it’s all and it’s like, yeah, strengths is I always look at people sometimes. And I see them as a big word cloud. You know, like a word cloud. It’s, I’m looking at you right now. And I’m like, Oh, I can see a relator kind of in big blue bold letters popping out and like I data visualize people around what they can do it well, whether it’s a, you know, a barista in a cafe in Wellington, who’s chatting with you, and like, Wow, she’s got, I’m seeing individualization coming out here, cause look at the way she’s dealing with that old old lady there compared to how she’s dealing with me. And yeah, yeah.

Murray Guest  26:45

Can I just say, that’s another great tip for anyone that looking to embrace, again, their strengths and the strengths of their partner or their team members and their peers, whoever it might be. I love Antonia’s tips here about if you’re out and about, and you’re just watching the behaviors of other people, you can start to understand then how their strengths might be showing up. You’re making some assumptions, but you know, those assumptions you can quickly explore and start to understand when you’re seeing that repeated behavior.

Antonia Milkop  27:15

Yeah. And I’ve learned a big question in my my coaching journey of don’t make those assumptions out loud, because you’re usually wrong. Yes, so always you can have your judgments, but then the best way is to be curious about them by asking open questions of others.

Murray Guest  27:32

Yes, well, the other one that I heard early on, in my career, too, was hold our assumptions loosely. Hmm. Yes, that’s a good one. Yeah. So get hold grip on them. Yeah, that’s true. I so want to just go back. So you found out your strengths. You had that life changing week in Sydney. And as you said, the North Sydney Gallup office has a beautiful view over Sydney Harbour for those that haven’t been there. When you saw your top five, Strategic Developer Achiever Maximizer Arranger. When you saw those, what experience I had was okay, I want to understand the descriptions, the language what it means for me underneath that, when you first saw those, what was your first sort of reaction around your top five?

Antonia Milkop  28:25

I felt validated for who I am. I also, I had a funny negative reaction about one of them, which was my achiever, okay. And I had to learn to love my achiever, because it’s all in the thing that’s come out the dark side of it, like so I learned a lot about, you know, the balconies and basements of strengths. So I’ve learned how to blend, like, tame some of my strengths and, and, and invest more in others. But when, when I found out about those I was, it was almost like, I thought, wow, back then. And now there’s so much more complexity and beauty and depth and relationship. And I’ve got the stuff I’m looking at, I’m listening to headphones, into my computer, and I’ve got my husband’s next door, I’ll show you. I spend these cascade name tense.

Murray Guest  29:29

Yes, they’re beautiful.

Antonia Milkop  29:31

And some you can yeah, you can see these. I’ve seen a lot more theme dynamics. And every day I’m learning something new. And now, even my own my own self awareness. And I still feel like I’m the tip of the iceberg in discovery. And how it plays out. 

Murray Guest  29:50

Yeah, I think that’s a really important point. Again, the strengths assessment and the language of strengths is not about labels. Yeah, it’s it’s I see it as a doorway to understand yourself and each other. And then once you step through that doorway, there’s a whole world that’s always expanding, always growing, always looking at things differently. For me, it’s you know, as a parent or with as a partner with my wife, and then it might be about myself and then something else about myself and, and knowing each other. That’s what I love about as a development journey. It’s not just an assessment and tick the box.

Antonia Milkop  30:29

Yes. I love, there’s someone awesome, she lives, she’s from Auckland, Robyn Riley, and she described it as…

Murray Guest  30:36

So Robyn facilitated my accelerated strengths coaching course. 

Antonia Milkop  30:44

Yes. Oh, how lucky you. She’s awesome, isn’t she? 

Murray Guest  30:48

Yeah, she’s lovely. Shout out to Robyn. And to Claire, Claire was the other facilitator.

Antonia Milkop  30:53

Awesome. Robyn told me about this wonderful quote, she probably taught you in that accelerated coaching strengths course. I know your strengths, and it means that I know where you live, which village you live in. But I don’t know what your house looks like. And I was thinking, Oh, that’s really cool. And even if you know what the house looks like, and someone describes what their own strengths are, you don’t know how they’re playing with all the furniture inside the house. Plant pots might be, you might have plants that are dying inside the house that need watering, you might have a kitchen that’s really, really clean and immaculate, or you might have a, you know, mess. And there’s all this and I kind of think well, your strengths your makeup is a bit like the house that you live in. And the house can look very different on the inside or within you can rearrange it all the time. This would be my arrangerand my strategic playing out isn’t it?

Murray Guest  31:45

But I think that’s the the curious approach that that strengths enables. Imagine if teams like you said, you’ve been, you know, parachute in dropped into work with teams, teams understand themselves and each other better. And now if we start to look at each other in those teams like that, like, okay, I can see where you live, but I actually don’t know about what’s inside the house. I want to understand you more. Again, then we build trust, we build connection, we build understanding. I’m making you right, I’m not making you wrong anymore. So yeah, I love that I do, I had honestly I’d forgotten that that quote from Robin, but you’ve reminded me and it is beautiful.

Antonia Milkop  32:26

I love it. And I find it’s also quite comforting for for clients when because a lot of people you know, often I don’t even read their report that you know, they’re doing their their Clifton strengths report. And I meet up with them for our initial catch up. And they’d be like, Oh, my goodness, you know everything about me now, and then I explain that whole I know the village you live in, but I have no idea what your house looks like. Yeah, so there’s a bit it’s a bit like when you go to a dinner party or something with a psychiatrist, you like Crikey, they’re probably reading me. And it’s like that, you know, that kind of intimidation, we feel that somebody knows all about us. And I feel strengths can be a bit is so illuminating. But people don’t realize the power that they have as individuals of it. They’re the ones who shine the light on their strengths. Not anyone else. And it really is about spotting what’s right with people not was not with what, what’s wrong. And so many people, I don’t know whether it’s an Australian thing as well. But in New Zealand, we have this kind of thing called the tall poppy syndrome. And is it okay? We always dive in, people love to learn about their weaknesses. So I when I like New Zealand, you think there’s a lot of strength coaches that only ever talk about strengths and things. And I have to sometimes go Yeah, we can talk about weaknesses, but I’m going to help you learn how to manage them. But I don’t want you investing in them. Because you’re actually just going to waste all your investment I want you to do so that people feel always encouraged when you say yes, we can learn about managing our weaknesses, that’s really important part of strengths. Because I think there’s a lot of material out there. And they’ve only ever heard about the good stuff. And not about the dark side, or some of your biggest your dominant strengths as well as the how do you manage weaknesses. And so that’s, that’s where the pragmatism and realism comes in. And yeah, and it’s about really saying our own self awareness of, we’re not great at everything, but we’re really good at some things. And we need to rely on one another in community.

Murray Guest  34:29

I often say to clients, it’s not all Rainbows, Skittles and unicorns. When we talk about strengths, there’s also the dark side, there’s also those basements and understanding how they show up and the blind spots that we may have. Because we do approach the world and see the world through a lens of our dominant strengths and talents. And I have had some resistance from a couple of clients who aren’t well, strengths is only about the good stuff. And I said, Well, that is good, isn’t it? Let’s let’s focus on the good but let’s also understand the other stuff as well. Yeah. So can I ask though, as part of me being a coach, I just want to ask this question. When you look at your dominant strengths, maybe your top five or even your top 10 those talents is the one where you can see was showing up for you in your younger years. achiever. Oh, that’s and that may be why you sort of resisted a little at first was it? I couldn’t say that there was a wink, there was a wink, tell me about achiever.

Antonia Milkop  35:39

I’ve always been very driven to perform, and was so focused on tasks and getting stuff done that sometimes I don’t see the wood for the trees. Even as a school girl very conscientious with like homework and things. And I think, you know, yeah, I’ve noticed that too. And also, but I’ve just, there’s so much that I’ve done in life. And I’ve, I’ve been people often go, Oh, my goodness, you seem so busy. Like, you’re doing so many different things. And that’s probably my Achiever. So even in my early 20s, like, at uni, I remember my uni days of being, you know, I’d stay out till two, three in the morning, you know, at parties and things. And then I’d still get up at eight o’clock, and do my work before everyone else got up till lunchtime. And I’d be like, Yeah, I just I think that was my achiever. My responsibility. I think I’ve matured it over my adult years. And now that I’m in my, my 40s, I’ve learned how to not take psychological responsibility for so many things, especially since becoming a parent as well, there’s just, there’s so much stuff I’m not in control of and I think my responsibility probably is, I’m able to kind of work out where it is that I can make an impact and what I can, what I own and other things that I don’t need to own and let others get on with it. And just in the last week, or a few weeks, that’s come out a lot is my strategic because it’s got this amazing ability to kind of see ahead, and spot patterns and pathways. And I was kind of freaking out. And I thought New Zealand was three days behind where we should be in terms of our response to COVID. Not that we want to mention the C word too much in this conversation. But anyway, am I strategic? Am I maximizer? We’re getting really like, what can I do? What can I? And my responsibility was getting in there? And and I was kind of thinking, why are we hanging out in cafes? Still? Why are we still going to work? We should all be working from home, we can work from home? Why is our ICT systems not working? And why are we not setting up guidance on security guidance now about how we’re communicating to our people and, and all this stuff that we could have done. But we chose to do anyway, when we’re in the midst of it’s too late. And we were now all at home, we get our monitors. Yeah, and my and the one thing that the really strong one that’s come out is positivity. So I really feel like I’ve been a person who has been able to bring lovely energy and hope and light and just a real kind of helping the energy in the room in the zoom rooms that I’ve been meeting in around making people feel shimmer of hope and joy. And we’ve got this Trello board with the team that I work with that we’ve got is called hashtag positivity. And we just chuck in all the jokes that we can, instead of bombarding each other with text we’re chucking all the jokes that we come across, or videos or funny photos that we’ve got on what’s going on at home in that positivity column. And yeah, and I think us, me and the others who have high positivity, we need that we need that stuff at the moment, especially those who have Woo, I don’t have really high Woo, but people who need people, it must be hard for them right now.

Murray Guest  39:08

Yeah. And I’ve seen in some of the online groups that I’m part of those people their strengths, needing to reach out more and connect more and yeah, and, and of course, that’s totally just them needing their strengths to be fed. Because I feel like if we aren’t having our strengths fed in some way, we’re not being our true self. So yes, I love it. Can I just say I love how you just talked through how your strengths are showing up right now in this situation. For people listening that have an awareness of their strengths and their their dominant talent. What’s your advice for them for getting through this period right now, from a strengths perspective.

Antonia Milkop  39:58

Really simple advice is, it’s a day by day game at the moment for many. And I mean, something that I’ve been suggesting with others is to pick a theme for the day. Pick one that you wake up in the morning, and you have a theme with an intention for that theme. So I was having, like, I think it was Thursday last week. And I was like, Oh, I hardly slept because of the anxiety of everything going on of the world. And, you know, insomnia, and I woke up going, I want to lean on my positivity today. And I’m also going to lean on my achiever in a different kind of way. Yes, and I had an intention around both of those strengths. And at the end of that, and I’d written that down on his paper, at the end of the day, I reflect on how that went. So my advice is, pick a theme for the day to lean on that you know is going to help you through whatever your day brings, whether it’s your work, or homeschooling or mental health, or and share that with others that you engage with during the day. So they can help feed that strength. And the other thing that I think is really useful is to people for people to identify their needs. So many Strengths coaches around the world, we use something called Cascade, the releasing strengths Richard Sterry Cascade tool, and I love that on the bring a need. People that I work with, I’ve been asking them just be aware of what your strengths need, and find ways to meet those needs met. Because you’re not living normally right now. You may have your patterns and your routines and things like that will change. So one of the needs is for me is to establish routines and my day, I’ve got adaptability is one of my lowest, can’t go with the flow. And that all, that’s another one that is hard, that’s always been told to chill out Antonia, go with the flow. And it’s something I’m just not capable of doing. I never have been. And so I lean on my strategic and my Maximizer to help me plan a plan of attack. We’ve got some children arriving. Right now.

Murray Guest  42:25

That’s the reality of the situation right now. I love it. Beautiful to see your two gorgeous kids today.

Antonia Milkop  42:50

They’ve been making a rocket ship. So ever since yesterday. They’ve got a plan. They’ve got a plan of materials. They need a rocket ship that’s going to launch us out of this Coronavirus world. And they’ve been building out all our empty cardboard boxes and recycling that we can’t recycle in New Zealand at the moment because they shut down. So yeah, that’ll be fun. So so my daughter came up with a quote, oh, yes, my low adaptability came up quite so every week, we’re getting a new quote. And we’ve got a blackboard, we’ve got our daily routine on. And her quote from last week. It’s amazing. She’s only eight, she says we have a plan for the day so it’s all going to be okay. Today, we have a plan. So we have a plan about when morning tea is going to be, when our food is going to be, and then they’ve got like Chromebook computer time. And they have what we call homeschool time where we’ll do an activity with them, which is about to happen after this. And you know, everyday will change and we sit down for a little family hurry in the morning. And we talk about how the plan will change everyday depending on, you know, where we’re at what’s on our plates. So that’s my achiever. And I’ve been exercising every morning, which I don’t normally do. So I started some really good habits. And I’ve been leaning on my achiever to make sure that if I do exercise every morning, I’m going to mentally feel fit enough to get through whatever the day brings.

Murray Guest  44:17

Antonia, you’ve in the past 10 minutes have shared some fantastic tips for everyone listening. I mean, certainly the what’s your intentional application of one of your themes for the day, and that’s a little process at the start and end of the day, as you said, you need to reflect on that. And that takes a few minutes, but sets you up for success. Building some habits around investing in your health at the start of the day. So I did some exercise this morning. And I felt great. I’m so glad I did. I’m trying to make that a daily practice as well. Just the way you interacted with your kids as they ran in beautiful. Yes, I’m on a podcast and I hear you but I’ll be with you very shortly. And I’m sure there’s lots of people that have got very similar situations right now. But even just building the rocket ship, I’m thinking I’m not building a rocket ship right now with my son. And that’s something that maybe we could be doing as well. So I love that too. So

Antonia Milkop  45:09

I’ve been learning through so many other people at the moment in their interactions out and about and I think we all can just learn off each other right now. None of us are perfect. And it’s the imperfection of all of us that makes us all beautiful human beings.

Murray Guest  45:22

I think that is so spot on. And is that imperfection that we’re sharing now in such a positive way I think with everybody. And I think we said early today in the conversation just about how let’s be realistic about the situation. And how can we set ourselves up for success by putting in place a plan for the day, is that it will be okay. And it will be okay. Now, let’s wrap things up. I want to know your definition of inspired energy. Just to wrap up our podcast today.

Antonia Milkop  45:55

My definition of inspired energy, I think I wrote this in your pre podcast questionnaire, and I thought Oh, that’s good. I see inspired energy as a catalytic agent for change. So something that changes the kind of chemical balance or something but the substance of you doesn’t go unchanged. So something I see inspired energy with somebody or something can enact change or reaction in something or someone else because of who they are, and the strengths that they bring. So you’ve had your catalyst inspired energy to me today. And it’s been an absolute delight talk I’ve loved I loved a lot. I could talk for hours and hours and hours, and send my kids away for hours. And I would love to carry on finding out more about you. Yeah, and I hope that our both our combined inspired energy will inspire the people who listen to this. Yeah, yeah.

Murray Guest  46:56

I love that definition. I’ve asked this question, you know, nearly 60 times, and I love the uniqueness of everyone’s answer. And I love that that catalyst, that catalytic energy, and I’ve got that today. I love having these conversations, your passion for strengths and the impact it’s making, with the people you work with, whether that’s one on one with the teams, and just hearing that and how it’s part of all the parts of your life. I’ve certainly got a buzz out of chatting and connecting with you today. So thank you so much for sharing all your knowledge. It’s been great. And I’m sure I’ll get you back on this podcast again in the New World, whatever that looks like. 

Antonia Milkop  47:34

Yeah, I’m excited. 

Murray Guest  47:37

So let’s, and it’s a hopefully not that far off. But who knows? Who knows? Yeah.

Antonia Milkop  47:44

We’ll be relying on Australia a lot, I think in New Zealand.

Murray Guest  47:47

Yes. Well, we are cousins. Let’s just say that. 

Antonia Milkop  47:50

Yeah. Yeah. The West Island. Yeah. 

Murray Guest  47:54

So anyone listening, I would love you to share what you’ve got out of this. podcast this awesome chat with Antonia, please share on social media, make sure you tag Antonia and myself and use the hashtag inspired energy. Please be kind to yourself. Focus on your talents every day, as Antonia said with that beautiful process, and be realistic about what you can achieve and intentionally look to see how you can show up and support those around you through these coming weeks, and maybe months. Have a awesome day, everyone. And again, Antonia thank you so much for your time. 

Antonia Milkop  48:32

Thank you, Murray. Thanks very much.