​Episode 97 – Dan Hardie | Founder of MyStrengths Australia (for Teens)

*warning – this podcast contains discussion on teen suicide*

In this episode I chat with Dan Hardie, an experienced teen counsellor and the founder of MyStrengths Australia. He has worked with young people for his entire career and together with the MyStrengths team, have seen over 30,000 teens discover their Strengths and grow to love their own uniqueness.​

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Transcript

Murray Guest  

Dan, welcome to the podcast, I’ve loved getting to know you, in our conversations, just this morning before I even hit record and the energy and the passion you’ve got for what you do around Strengths, and of course had to get you on the podcast, we’re both passionate about this thing around strengths and positive psychology. Tell me mate, how’s things for you at the moment.

Dan Hardie  

Yeah hey Murray. It’s great to be with you, and, you know, in the season where we currently have COVID lockdown and so much chaos. Oh, I don’t know, I’m Mr optimistic, I have a whole stack of positivity in me, you know, we’re working with a lot of families and parents and teenagers. And, yeah, I get to see the worst and the best, or even sometimes at the same time. And so my background is in counseling and positive psychology and that’s my study and background and we’ve been running a counseling practice for 12 years, working mostly with teenagers. And you know, we’re getting calls every single day, you know mostly around, you know stress and anxiety and people feeling overwhelmed, and they’re coming in, and yet, I’m meeting these young people that they have incredible qualities, they have resilience, they’re making their way through. And yeah, there’s some things that they’re getting stuck on and there’s obstacles in their life but you know I try to help them see, you’re actually doing okay, you’re doing well. And so, yeah, It’s an interesting period of time to live through and we’re doing okay as a little family and I’m kind of excited about the future.

Murray Guest  

Yeah, I, I, I love what already your passion coming out for what you do and I can just see how that would show up in the work you do and the conversations you’re having with teenagers. And the thing that pops into my head before we get into MyStrengths and how that came about is this, I think, assumption or label that people put on kids, kids on devices, and kids don’t know what they’re doing and teenagers, uh, you know can’t focus, millennials and all that stuff. And I, I just hear the way you talk, that you’re shifting, that you’re changing that perception with how teenagers feel about themselves and how parents feel about them as well.

Dan Hardie  

Yeah, you know, it wasn’t always that for me. I spent, you know, the first half so far of my counseling and psychology career diagnosing what’s wrong with people and giving them clarity on their deficits and the things that were a struggle for them. And there was a big change and it’s changed the way that teenagers come and experience help, the way they see themselves and yeah the move towards Strengths and a strength based approach. It’s been really significant for the way it’s helped the mental health of young people, and people don’t often associate negative mental health and spiraling anxiety and depression and all of these are the conditions that often think, Oh positive psychology can help. They assume, Oh yeah that’s just a fun little bonus that you get at the end, you know, but the strategies that we’ve been seeing in place actually is giving teenagers a different script and, you know, we’ll go into that a little bit more detail shortly but um yeah it’s a, it’s been, I don’t know, I’m an advocate for teenagers and I believe that society is in good hands, as I’m watching young people, you know who so many of them are responsible and so many of them, you know they’re charismatic and they’re engaged in life and they’re doing great things and sure there’s these little, you know, stuck points and there’s tension there and screentime but yeah there’s a lot to celebrate, and a lot to cheer on with the younger generation that’s coming through.

Murray Guest  

I’m proud to say I’ve seen that in my, my kids’ circles as well, and their friends and the way that they show up and the conversations we have, and the empathy that they show for what’s going on in the world, and the care for the people around them so. But let’s go back a little bit Dan, why counseling? Before we get into strengths. How did you go down that path of being a counselor and getting to that field to start with?

Dan Hardie  

Hmm, good question. I don’t tend to talk about it too much, so I started out in church world for me, I grew up in a good youth group, and my parents you know, very faithful in sending us along. We went on Friday nights, and I had a really great youth group experience, you know, learn a lot of things with, you know, learning band and, you know, lots of games and engaging in Friday night activities and things and so I end up being, going straight out of school into running a youth group and helping with a bigger youth team and, you know, doing some study in that field and I ended up getting my first job as a, as a teacher like a youth worker in high schools. And so my whole career even from way back then has been working with teenagers. And just super interested in the way that teenagers are growing and their brain and, but a significant thing happened. I was working at a school, Hurstville Boys High School in Sydney, and I felt we were doing some great work, we’re taking kids on camps, we were running after school activities, we were connected with the parent community and doing a whole bunch of things and we had a young guy, he was really involved and, you know, I’d actually been to his home and you know really knew their family well. And I thought he was tracking along okay, and he ended up taking his own life, and, and it was something that shook me to the core. And I went, Oh I thought we were saving kids and helping the world and you know doing all of this great stuff, and all of my positivity and energy and enthusiasm was, you know, giving kids great experience. And yet, deeper, he wasn’t telling anyone about the journey inside. No one had really tracked with him on his mental health and the emotional temperature of his home and all of these things and it sort of made me go back to the drawing board and say hey, if this guy, you know from right under my nose. And so I just said I need to upskill, I want to understand why we do what we do and, um, you know, and I’d gotten married at the time then and yes first few years were hard and we were fighting and there was all sorts of things that I’m like, oh why do I do what I do. Why do I withdraw and run away when there’s tension and conflict. Why does that all come at me this way and, you know, and so I just enrolled in psychology and started down that journey and understanding why we do what we do and ended up graduating with a counseling degree because I was itchy feet just to get working and get moving, you know, so I didn’t go down the full clinical psych path but um, yeah, I specialized in positive psychology I’m really interested in that space. And yeah, so for more than 12 years we’ve been working with teenagers mostly and their families, that’s been kind of fun. 

Murray Guest  

Yeah, well, I would say beyond fun, I mean, I love this, the impact you’ve made when you tell me about you know over 30,000 teens have discovered their Strengths, through what you do and help them understand their uniqueness and how they show up. But before we talk about the impact of that and how that came about from the positive psychology work that you do. For me personally, I’ve, a bit like you’re saying about, I’ve got to understand through a strengths based approach why I do what I do, when I can be at my best, but also when I’m at my worst and showing up and how I can balance that out a bit with my relationship, with my wife and friends, as a parent, and where my wife and I might approach things differently and go, oh okay, now that’s, that’s right, that’s not wrong, and how powerful that is. What does it mean for you as a person as well?

Dan Hardie  

Yeah, so understanding my personal strengths and understanding who I am, what my wife is like, how I function and connect and, you know the people part of me is so strong and, you know, and how that impacts on other people, you know. We really had to understand that sort of thing to experience a greater sense of peace and connectedness. But the funny thing is actually, I still even though, you know I did strengths quite early and understood the positive psychology through my study. It didn’t enter my counseling practice and my work with teenagers for quite a long time, maybe five or six years into this, you know, private practice, and, and the big change happened this one day. Let me, let me share this story. There is a young guy, he’s 16 years old. His name’s Dean, and he had been really bullied at school, and he was super smart and, you know, dux of science and, you know, he got bullied, being called a nerd and he got dumped by his girlfriend and people had all these negative names and labels they’d given him, and it got really bad one day where he came home early, about midday, and he said to his mum, I just want to kill myself. I hate who I am. Nothing good going for me I just, you know, and his self perception was so broken and so wounded, he had these ideas from what people were saying about him and to him. It was all of these weaknesses and deficits. His mum rings me. Dan, can we bring him to see you straightaway? I said, Sure. They came in about 2pm and mum came in the door first, she’s, you know, got some tears in her eyes and you can still tell she’d be crying. Dean’s come in, dragging his feet, hair is down over one eye, and he’s just walking and. And he didn’t even say hello. So I thought, Ok this is gonna be hard work. I bring him in. We sit down together and I said, Hey mate, you know, what’s going on? And he just grunts at me. Ugh. Okay, do you want to tell me you know, why do you think mum thought it would be good to come and have a chat? And he just said, Well I hate myself. I got dumped by my girlfriend, she hates me, and the other guys call me a nerd and they, you know, there’s just, there’s nothing good going for me. I said, Okay. So I’m straightaway racking my brain, okay, you know, CBT and other psychology techniques and blah, blah. Hey tell me this, what about that, and what if we shifted this, and he just wouldn’t, he was like a stone. He wouldn’t talk. He was so down and distraught and, and I’m thinking, I’m supposed to do 50-60 minutes with this guy. If he’s not talking to me, what am I gonna do with him. And the day before that I had worked with a little business team, you know, it’s not a space that I do a lot in but um, I had done StrengthsFinder, I’d done some strengths with an adult group, and there were some codes left over from that and I went, Oh well, if he’s not going to talk to me around normal sort of practice, would you do something Dean with me where you discover your top five strengths, what if you were to, you know, do a little quiz, and spend you know eight or 10 minutes just going through it, and kind of at the end of it we’ll figure out what are your top five strengths, what are some labels and some ideas around your personality that we could actually celebrate and that are great and that are, you know, beautiful and articulate and, you know, and he said, I’ll do it, but it’s gonna come out at zero. Yeah, I kind of laughed on the inside, you know. I was, Okay great you know it’s gonna be fun. So he gets the iPad he starts working through it. And at the end of it, you know, he gets these top five strengths, and, and at that time I was using the Gallup StrengthsFinder. So, yeah, you know, in some of the language around Gallup, um, it’s a little bit difficult you know with teenagers, you know, labels and categories and things like that, but we started going through it and his first one was, was Strategic, right. And, you know, I’ll just sort of ad lib, you know, where strategic people are particularly good at working out how to hit their goal, you know, they don’t just hope for the best but they make a deliberate plan and a path that will enable them to reach their objective right? And we’re reading through this together. And, um, you know, we start saying, you like to see progress and you get frustrated if you get stuck and go nowhere. You know, whether it’s in education, sport or, and halfway through this he stops me and says, Hey, I think these might be me. And I said, Okay! It’s the first time he’s like looked up at me and he says, Well, I play Warcraft. Now Murray, you know Warcraft? I do know that. It’s interesting my, he’s not listening, he’s not, he’s not, he’s not awake, of course. My middle child. We’ve got Warcraft, in the garage that’s collecting dust now but I’m familiar with a strategy in that game, it’s pretty full on, isn’t it? I thought, and I don’t know it that well but he said to me, Look, Dan I recently won my way into a gaming team, where there’s two guys in America, someone in Croatia another one in Britain. And he says, I’m the youngest and the newest to the team. And I instantly knew how we would win the battle. You know, he goes, Well, you know, we have to collect these weapons and go through this warp and how to get these guys you know you go on defense and we’ll go out and do this or that and, you know, and he starts telling me he’s, he’s actually speaking, this is a kid who literally 20 minutes earlier saying I hate myself. And he starts saying, oh, you know, I instantly knew how we were going to win this game, and I was figuring it out and I was telling them, and no one even questioned it. And we got through it and an hour later, we had won the battle, won the challenge or whatever. And he said, and maybe it’s because of my and he looks down he reads it again, my strategic strength. And I said, dude, amazing, you know, yes, that’s true, you know, and I said, Is there any other areas of your life where you see this. And you see the greatest skill Murray that I think that I can bring to a teenager, and something that they rarely get in their lives, is the ability to have someone listen to them. To genuinely understand, Hey tell me about that in you. I’m not going to tell you what it means you tell me what it means. So he starts telling me, Oh I’ve got a job at Maccas and in the holidays I work six days I get the bonus, you know, rate. And, yeah, he’s, he says, Well, my dad told me that if I saved my money, then maybe I could like buy something significant, buy an investment. And I said, Dude, how old are you? 16. And he said, Yeah, but you know I’m sort of saving my money so maybe I could buy like a little apartment or buy an investment property. I said, Go legend, you know, and I said you know how far have you gone? I’m thinking maybe he’s got like 1500 or two grand in the bank account. And he goes, I’ve saved $15,700. I’m like, what!

Murray Guest  

At 16! Wow.

Dan Hardie  

At 16! I’m like dude how?! Like you got more money than I do! We need to swap seats here. You need to be helping me. And he’s just like, Oh yeah, you know, I just like, save it, where all the guys are spending it on jeans and skateboards and you know, I just put my money in the bank and I’m just like, Dude that is incredible. That’s the strategic strength on steroids, you know. What an amazing brain you’ve got. What an amazing young guy sitting across from me, and that was just the very first out of his top five strengths.

Murray Guest  

And here’s, here’s the thing Dean, sorry, Dan, I’m thinking about Dean and I’m picturing him, of this guy walking in head held down, shoulders slung, energy level like zero or one out of 10. And as you said through that listening, that exploration, that acknowledgement, you know, it’s, I can imagine he’s sitting up straighter, he’s feeling better about himself, that energy’s shifting. How good’s that.

Dan Hardie  

All of it and you know, and sure you know it was a progress but as we went through each one, it all just started to grow. Right. You know his second strength was Analytical. He told me how he’s dux of science. Yeah he puts up his hand in class he, you know he told me an example. Miss told us that Australia has the most animals in the world. And he’s like, hang on a sec, how would you know, did you go count them like, you know, how do they survey the most. He puts his hand up. Excuse me miss, he said, Australia has the most animals in the world, how do you know that? She says no, no. Australia has the most variety of animals in the world. And he goes, Well miss, the word variety makes a big difference in the sentence right. You can imagine this kid in class everyone’s like rolling their eyes and, man, just leave her alone and she’s like, what a pain in the butt, but he’s very analytical, he picks up every single detail his brain, you know, he notices when something is moved in the room he’s just, you know, and so that attention to detail is just part of his personality, and we celebrate that. He’s probably going to be an incredible, would be a scientist or something amazing where, you know, the other guys bully him but he’ll be their boss one day.

Murray Guest  

Yeah. And here’s the thing that stands out to me, and I want to acknowledge and I hope you do mate. Here’s a guy that could have had a totally different path in life, or maybe even ending his life because of where he was at. And through that conversation, and I’m sure subsequent conversations, the trajectory of his life has totally changed. And that is just amazing.

Dan Hardie  

And mum recognized this too, right, because after you know that hour together we walk out. She’s sitting in the waiting room, she’s got panda eyes, you know all of the, you call it, what do you call it, mascara, yeah. Yeah, it’s down and she’s been crying and all that. And he walks out, and he says, hey guess what Mum, I got the strategic strength and when I’m playing WarCraft I’m being strategic, and she literally looks at me, and is like, what the heck have you done with him. You’ve brainwashed him.

Murray Guest  

Yeah.

Dan Hardie  

She sends me and I’ll pull it out of the drawer, you know, you can see this, she sends me this letter. Right. And you know, a week later saying, Dan, Dean is a different person, those strengths have been this pivot in his life, you know, he comes home and talks to his dad about his analytical or about his, you know, the fairness part of him and you know all and he’s got different language to describe himself, he’s got different ideas. And Murray, this changed my whole idea around counseling and you know how we work with teenagers, here I was sending kids away, diagnosing what’s wrong with them. And they have labels that were like, Oh yeah, now I have or now I understand. I’ve got anxiety or ADHD or, you know I have depression, and these were then instead of them being liberating and helpful, they ended up being labels that they would stand behind. You know I’m sorry Miss, I can’t do the test today because I have anxiety that’s triggering, you know what I’m saying. And this is then the way they understand themselves, their self perception and their identity is around the labels that we give them, and around the insight into who am I. And so you know for 12-18 months I started to bring strengths right into the center of the counseling work I was doing with teenagers and saying, what if we were to give them new labels, what if you could diagnose what’s right with them? And, you know, we put a team together and we wrote the MyStrengths Assessment, that would have language that was more accessible for teenagers, categories that you know we did a whole focus group, you know sessions around teenagers who were on the autism spectrum. Were they captured in the, in Strengths language, and what would be labels that they would use and parents were telling us and informing us and were creating descriptions and categories around, you know, what, how they would describe their teens and it was such a great process and we wrote the MyStrengths Assessment and started, you know, using that with teenagers, going into high schools, putting a team together, saying what if we could help year 10 students think differently about themselves, that kind of, 16 years old is where they’re most, you know they’re asking the most questions around their identity, who am I, what do I like about myself, am I accepted, do I find a sense of belonging, is my future, you know do I have hope in my future, am I gonna be okay. And if we were able to help them understand their strengths, how that leads them into a preferred future that’s a fit and a match for them, you know, for me, if I had this at school, man it would have changed the way I experienced High School. You can already tell right. Oh yeah yeah, I’m exactly the same on my high school journey which was tough, it was rough, you know, bullying, got beaten up in year 12, concussion in hospital, you know, lots of challenges, and I go back to those you know, year nine year ten, those years of, you know who am I, how do I fit in, do I not fit in, people are saying stuff I’m taking all that on board. Puberty is, you know, at its peak in all emotions and hormones are running, it is tough that time. Yeah. And you’re right, the change in the self worth that people can feel through knowing their Strengths is so powerful. Yeah and you also mentioned something too which is, which I love. And it’s the different language to describe myself. Right, yeah. You know, one of the big tasks for us is to actually educate adults with a broader vocabulary. We get parents come in and we say, hey you got any idea of what you child’s strengths are, and it’s really just one of three or four things. Oh yeah they’re either smart, they’re sporty, they’re musical or artistic, you know, and, and there’s very little language and articulation around such the broad ideas of personality and, um, you know, we were thinking about, you know, the investigator and the solution finder and those who have high responsibility or the structured brain or that winner, the competitive high, you know, and no one thinks of that you know because they’re often seen as a sore loser but you know they’re super competitive man I’ve got to get out there and win it all cost, but they’re the ones who often make it to the very top. Yeah. Or like me, I went through school having labels, you know, Dan’s easily distracted, Dan distracts other people, Dan calls out in class too much, he yells out the window at the class outside you know and.

Murray Guest  

I can imagine us sitting in the back of the room getting in trouble, that, I can hear that right now. 

Dan Hardie  

We would have been a great pair in school Murray. But you know that’s, but no one ever said, you know I was constantly kicked out of class, I was constantly, you know, given, you know, you need to be quiet. You know and I looked at my older brother, who was much more introverted than me. He’s very musical. He could spend a lot of time by himself and you know go in and do his scales and do his homework and he would do all the stuff, and my parents even used the phrases you know, how come you can’t be more like Mike?

Murray Guest  

Yeah, yeah. Wow, isn’t that. That’s such a damaging phrase isn’t it mate, it can be of, you know, making someone, or trying to tell someone they need to be like someone else, as opposed to what’s great about who you are right now. Yeah, I was just thinking back to about the sporty one, and where parents celebrate the competitiveness of the kids in sport. But what about the kids that aren’t as competitive and their strengths lie elsewhere and the way they want to show up or they naturally show up is different, and that being appreciated.

Dan Hardie  

That’s so true, right. Yeah, there’s so many layers to it. I have a client who I was only seeing a few days ago, and parents are really disappointed that, you know mum and dad are both very sporty, dad is you know, very high levels of water polo and, you know, coaching and doing various other things at the Australian level and, you know, one of their children is totally uninterested, you know, not interested in sport, you know, not highly coordinated and things like that, and they’re just like, man, you know what’s wrong with this guy? And I’m like, let’s find out what’s right with this guy.

Murray Guest  

Yeah, yeah.

Dan Hardie  

You know, where is he highly functional. Where is he performing at his best, what’s he interested in. What if he was born with a brain that’s a little bit different to yours. And we could actually sort of pull apart that brain and go, ah, actually, he’s super articulate or, you know, one of his strengths is in creative writing, you know. Yeah, and he writes these amazing sort of novel stories that, you know, think outside the box and that, you know he’s got that high left brain thing you know, high creativity. You know, we would call it the uniqueness strength. He doesn’t like to be told what to do, who to be, what to look like, or how to dress, but he wants to be himself, he wants to be, you know, deliberately different and I’m like, what if we could label that as a strength and something beautiful about him. You know, I wonder if it would even change his own self esteem, his own confidence and the way he journeyed through and even so, you know, helping parents and others understand their teenager from a different angle. We celebrate them, being able to understand why they do what they do. I think that’s super important.

Murray Guest  

So, when I’ve been, because I work with organizations and with teams and leaders around the Strengths-based approach and for me, I feel like there’s two key things that I explore at the, at the start. One is, yeah, knowing your strengths. But the other part is that you embrace a strengths-based mindset. That the approach of it’s not wrong, it’s right and I want to be curious. Tell me how you, how do you make that shift, how do you help people see the world differently like that.

Dan Hardie  

Yeah, that’s a good question. I mean it is a journey, to be honest and it does start, you know, like, one of my strengths, so I’m a creator and I like to write and to develop and so that part of me is like, well, there’s got to be resources and tools that can help in this space. And so, yeah, our MyStrengths Assessment for younger people, is certainly the very first step that we help expand that language and help parents and in schools now, you know, we’re working in 100 different schools across Sydney and and beyond. Up to Maitland high school, down to Shellharbour and various other places where we’re trying to help them understand broader language. And so yeah, we go in schools with MyStrengths program and help teenagers discover their strengths in a, in a program format, and then we work in small groups, we give them a set of cards like these ones. And, you know, they, the cards are really simple. They have the descriptions and examples and then how would I apply that, and, and that’s all also on the on the web tool like you know if they go through it and they don’t have physical cards, the exact format and description’s there and I think it’s been really helpful for parents, we give a parent pack to them. We send that home and the parents get that if I’m working in private practice here, man we get, we’re bringing parents into that session, you know.

Murray Guest  

So the MyStrength program that you talk about, I’m hearing there with, we’ve got people understanding their Strengths. Yeah, so for a teenager doing that, what’s the process like is there, how many questions, how long does that take and, and is it a top five strengths they get as well through the MyStrengths Assessment?

Dan Hardie  

Yeah it is, we’ve experimented with a lot of different things. We had a longer assessment and then we tested if we had made it shorter, it’s 105 very similar, it’s that feedback cycle, you know, we’ll make a statement, you respond on the one to 10 scale and, and, basically, you’re telling us the answer, and very similar, all of the assessments VIA, you know, Gallup and all of them ask, you know we all use the same technique. And so at the end of it, instant results on screen. They get the result in a card format on the screen and it opens up. When we are there present in session, we say, Hey, bring your strengths up so we want to pack a kit for you and talk with you one to one. And so, you know I’ve trained a team, the 15 or 16 minutes you work in different schools all the time and so that’s loads of fun, you know, we get to be together, it’s a great vibrant team. We’re all different as well. But you know, we’re up there, bringing all the energy, helping kids go Hey, it’s not about us, we don’t have a message, we’re not just like a lot of programs to pat you on the back and say Hey, you’re awesome and nah. We want to understand why, and it’s about you. We want to help you understand.

Murray Guest  

I was gonna say mate and I think that’s a shift that’s happening around, I believe that what I’ve been experiencing conversations around the perception of positive psychology that it’s not rah rah rah everything is great, the positive mindset bang bang bang. It’s actually an exploration, it’s curious and your strengths and how they show up and I want to get to know you like it’s very, very different, isn’t it.

Dan Hardie  

It is really different. We meet so many different teenagers. You know, we met a young, well actually a brother and a sister in southwest Sydney, and they came as refugees from Iraq, actually. And we sat in a circle, I sat with this young guy, and a whole bunch of other guys. And we’re just talking about, you know yeah we’re talking about our strengths and things. And for, you know, other Aussie kids to hear this young guy say, you know, I’m so grateful that I can go to school, because my school got bombed, and we had to flee and we had to run away. And to come over here and he’s working really really hard he’s, you know, and he’s got this responsibility Strength where he says, Man, I want to perform well and study hard and become a doctor so that I can, firstly look after my parents because they looked after us. And I want to provide for them and I want to help them as they get older and things, and then I want to do some initiatives back in my home country. I want to be able to you know, and I’m like whoa, and he’s got this, you know, high justice and fairness part of him, you know, we’re gonna make the world equal for everyone and stick up for those who can’t stick up for themselves, and he’s 15. And I’m like man, I want to invite adults from all around the country, those who criticize teenagers, who think they’re just skating in like, you know spoiling the streets and, you know, on iPads and doing all sorts of tooling around, and there’s a bit of that, but man, there’s so much gold in these young people. And I’m like, Ah, you sit with this guy, and think man the world’s in good hands. We’re gonna pass something good on to the next generation.

Murray Guest  

And I believe, you and I totally aligned to on this perspective, which is Strengths enable this rapid way of getting to know each other and really support inclusion and diversity. Yeah, so it goes beyond race, religion, sexual preference, you know, gender, all that, it’s like, I now want to really get to know you and who you are.

Dan Hardie  

Yeah and Murray they’re our three goals, you know, we’re trying to help teenagers, number one, learn to love who they are. Oh, yeah, by going through this process today, I like who I am. I have a greater sense of I’m okay in my own skin. And so that, and we ask them you know, you know, in a follow up the end of the session we take them through a little quiz, a little survey type thing. And this is where a whole stack of wellbeing data we’ve, you know, added sort of just 10 sort of KPI questions around teenage well being and things we might mention later but, um, do I like myself is such a critical part of teen formation. And so we are helping them go, I like who I am. I’ve got language for it. I’ve got greater insight into my personality. And, yeah, I’m going to be different from the next guy. The second thing is that we’re trying to help them understand diversity, you know, hey, that guy’s not a nerd just because he likes to read in the playground at lunch. He’s actually an investigator, he’s actually got the thinker strength, and he’s got these ways that his brain is just interested in, you know, information and data and you know all of that, and he might not have the same as you, but actually it shouldn’t mean that we go pay him out or pull him down or giving negative labels for that so you know the way that we celebrate diversity that we can actually appreciate our differences, that’s a whole different thing and that takes a lot of work with teenagers, doesn’t just happen in one session now of course. But when they do respond to the survey the end, a lot of them are going, ah yeah I did sit in a group with someone who’s different from me. Yeah, we realized that none of us had the same strengths, that we’re all different, and we’re all unique, and we should actually enjoy the differences and uniqueness. And then the third one is that they will gain hope in their future. Teenagers are stressed, like our well being survey that we do and we’re about to release, you know, one of Australia’s largest youth well being reports, it’s coming out in the next couple of weeks right. And in this report, one of the highest causes of stress and angst for a teenager, is they’re worried about their future. Will I make it, do I have what it takes. Is there a future that’s a fit for me. What if I’m not the smartest or I’m not gonna make anything and all of that pressure that they get from parents and society and all of that sort of stuff but am I going to make it, and we’re saying, Actually, let’s think about our strengths and who you are. Because, if you focus on your strengths and you push into that, you’ll be successful in your way. And I just think about my own family where, you know I went study two different degrees and I’ve, you know, gone into all these spaces and hopefully made mum proud and all of that. And my younger brother left school in the middle of year 11, didn’t ever, you know, he actually even tried to enroll in uni as a mature aged student, and it wasn’t, he doesn’t like it, it’s no good for him, you know, he just ended up bombing out on every subject, he’s probably got adult ADHD, and, you know, and he always wanted to try and please my parents and make them proud. And yet, he went into carpentry, man, he makes twice the money I make. Yeah, he’s project managing these huge projects where they’re building MRI rooms in hospitals and you know he he knows so much stuff and he’s so successful and he feels alive. He wakes up, and he’s like bang, I’m on the job and I’m seeing development and every day he sees the progress. And actually, he’s highly creative. He’s got that hard working strength and he can apply himself and all that, it’s like, oh he’s different from Dan, he’s different from Mike. And actually, he’s, he’s, he’s winning, he’s succeeding and he’s okay in his future and I just wish that at 16, 17, he felt like, oh yeah I’ll be okay. Yeah, I’m allowed to use my practical, I’m allowed to.

Murray Guest  

Yeah and that the difference is is made aware, and it’s embraced, and we appreciate it. Yeah, spot on. I’m so excited about the survey coming out, and when that comes out might in the next few weeks I make sure I share that around as much as I can as well so I know how powerful that is and it’s going to be so valuable, people understand where that youth well being is right now, but also I know what’s coming up in a month’s time is mental health awareness month. And you got something planned for that as well. Can we talk a bit about that because that’s pretty cool as well.

Dan Hardie  

Yeah sure. COVID has produced a unique opportunity for us where, you know, we would have been busy in schools, day in day out working, you know, in all of these different spaces. And there’s a part of our work that was largely overlooked and that was, um, you know, helping parents, working with parents you know toward a strength based parenting approach, understanding their teenagers, and even just the things you know I’ve learned from 1000s of hours of, you know, private practice that parents could put into place to actually improve, you know, their relationship with their teenager, how to handle conflict, how to understand that all the techniques that work from 0 to 12, they don’t work anymore from 12 to 18. We need different parenting styles, different strategies, different ways that we can negotiate with them, teenagers want to be heard, they want to have a say in all of these sort of things. And so we’ve been filming and creating a set of parenting courses that will help parents with strength based approach. And what we wanted to do was launch a 10 day campaign like a 10 day, we call it a challenge, really, that what if parents were to sign up for this Raising Resilience course that in 10 days starting on the first of October, we would do 10 days all together as a community, hopefully, nationwide, you know, hundreds of 1000s of parents will go, okay cool, you know, and we’re talking together saying, all right, how’d you go with day one, you know, and one of the days is around, you know, what if we were to take a screen detox and what would that look like in our home and what if that was part of our habit and our family rhythm and ritual, you know, and that we helped our teenagers to do that and, you know, what would it look like to manage that space better. And so we put a challenge out. Now I imagine parents saying, hey how are you going with the challenge today and how did this look for you and. And so that, that we’re injecting positive initiatives for that mental health month, not just saying, you know, Here’s all the statistics around anxiety and how it’s grown during COVID and nah, there’s some real practical steps we can take, and it’s all around helping families become better families, now it’s not saying they’re all terrible and bad, you know, from a five to a seven. Yeah, they might be doing great. But yeah.

Murray Guest  

I think that’s a really good point around strengths too mate which I love, that I’m glad you raised that which is, this is, you know strengths obviously helps people like Dean, that we mentioned earlier, and where he was at, but it’s also powerful of good to great or great to awesome. And I often talk to people about, you think about the top sports teams, each person in that, you know, if they’re playing on the court, the field, whatever they’re doing, they have their position and each week they’re looking at how do we perform better in the strengths that we provide in that position, it’s the same as in a family or in a team. So if we want to know about this course and this 10 Day Challenge. I can put the link in the show but very quickly where can people find out about that, is that available to find out about just yet?

Dan Hardie  

Yeah, absolutely. Um, so mystrengthsparenting.com.au is where, it’s just a landing page for a series of courses and that course is there, and the McCrindle youth wellbeing report will sit there. MyStrengths Assessment is just at mystrengths.com.au. So, yeah, Australian built, Australian made, and so that au, and so those two spaces are where others might find some help, people can get on and use the MyStrengths Assessment themselves. It’s just a really quick and easy tool we deliberately, it’s, it’s built mobile first, and so a lot of these tools out there kind of were built, maybe, years ago. We’ve started on a platform that’s mobile first, it’s how people engage. It’s really easy to use and engage. It’s got a platform where people can create groups and have a whole reporting dashboard there. And so increasingly we’re getting other psychologists and counselors and coaches like yourselves, you know, say, Well, I’m doing some work with young adults or with other, you know, younger people, we want a simpler language and so they’re using that. But yeah, the MyStrengths parenting is just about to to, yeah, we’re sort of pushing that into different spaces saying hey, we’d love you to do a course with us, the Raising Resilience course, it’s going to be a 10 day, all in, all the same time. Let’s all try and do that journey together and they can sign up and take that, they can also take the Raising Resilience course. 

Murray Guest  

Yeah well I’ll make sure that that’s included in the show notes and be sharing that with, with my clients and network as well because that is fantastic, I love that. Now we’re going to do speed questions, are you ready? I don’t know how you’re gonna go with speed questions being fast questions, fast answers mate, and I know you’re as passionate as me, so here we go. 

Dan Hardie  

I got too much to say right. 

Murray Guest  

I didn’t say that. Okay, Here we go. Strengths is……. finish that question.

Dan Hardie  

Transformational. 

Murray Guest  

Teenagers are…. 

Dan Hardie  

Exciting, fun, ambitious. 

Murray Guest  

Ambitious. The difference between boys and girls is…. 

Dan Hardie  

Oooh. A lot and not a lot at the same time. 

Murray Guest  

Yeah, I think that we didn’t touch on that but yeah I reckon that’s interesting. Yeah. The future is…

Dan Hardie  

Oh the future is bright. It’s amazing. Yeah, in good hands. 

Murray Guest  

Surfing is…

Dan Hardie  

Replenishing, earthy, and the best sport there is really, the hardest one.

Murray Guest  

We could, we could challenge that but that’s okay. My hope for the future is…

Dan Hardie  

My hope for the future is that no, we would, we would eradicate teen suicide. That no teenager would hate themselves and feel like they’re not beautiful and amazing in their own skin. My hope for the future is that every person could say, I like who I am. I’ve got what it takes. And the future is mine to imagine.

Murray Guest  

That that is a great place to finish on, and I think that is a powerful hope and I’m with you on that. Unfortunately I’ve been touched by some of that as well, and I love the work you’re doing, the impact you’re making, the ripple effect beyond the direct conversations you have to also that ripple effect to parents and families and friends in everything you do, it’s, it’s, it’s most most most powerful work so thank you mate for your time today.

Dan Hardie  

It’s been awesome, thank you for letting me talk so much and ramble. I’m actually not very good at the private practice, I got to really manually switch it off because I’m not, I want to say so much, I want to inject so much and you know, it’s a real skill or real, you know, discipline to try and listen so well so thank you Murray, I love what you’re doing. I hope this really you know you continue to grow and be successful.

Murray Guest  

Mate, thank you. We do need to finish on the definition of inspired energy. Tell me, what is your definition.

Dan Hardie  

Inspired energy is equipping and resourcing people toward a better life, toward a better society, toward a more hope-filled outcomes, and toward people who embrace their most natural self.

Murray Guest  

Love it, love it. That is such a great definition and I’m totally aligned with that. Dan, it’s been awesome. I feel like time has flown by, we’ve covered a lot. And I really encourage people to check out mystrengths.com.au. If you’re a parent, if you know teenagers, direct them there. And as parents, check out this challenge that’s coming up in October, it’s going to be amazing to help you continue to do what you do well and do it even better as a parent, so Dan all the best for the rest of the week, and I’m sure we’ll talk again soon. 

Dan Hardie  

Thanks for the opportunity.